I’ve noticed a worrying trend amongst the stamped-out-carbon-copy-youths that parade around Nottingham.

In the last few weeks I’ve seen at least three young ladies wearing large black framed glasses.

What’s so wrong about that you might ask? Nothing I might answer – after all I’m afflicted by bad eyesight myself – these young ladies are obviously suffering from some type of deficiency in the vision stakes. You might then go on to say; yeah, you need to button it mate. To which I may possibly respond; how could I have been so…

Hang on!

There are no lenses in the frames!

That’s right, the imaginary dialogue played out above would be completely moot, the dizzy bints all had one thing in common, their glasses had no glass. What is the point of that?

I know I’m slowly becoming a bit of a curmudgeon but really, no lenses? Since when has it been cool to parade around dressed like a bag of cloth samples, wearing a corrective appliance for an imaginary handicap?

What’s next neck braces? Callipers?

Am I to expect to see a group of emo youths hysterically propelling themselves towards Rock City in wheelchairs, their spindly little arms frantically pushing at their wheels?

Will I witness herds of illiterate, badly coiffured, androgynous boys fiddling with imaginary hearing aids and talking like deaf people in the Market Square?

This is a slippy slope my friends, mark my words, a slippy slope.

I’m all for a spot of Daily Mail bashing but when it comes to talking sides between whiny teens and reactionary right wing bigots, I have real allegiance issues.

It was nice to hear that in its usual over the top fashion the Daily Mail had described the execrable My Chemical Romance as a ’suicide cult’ band and in one article had even said ‘no child is safe from the sinister cult of Emo’! Top stuff indeed.

However it was even more of a delight to hear that as a result of these inflammatory statements that truck loads of Emos were planning a march on the Daily Mail’s offices.

This is bound to lead to some quality images, I thought. And sure enough I wasn’t disappointed.

That image is too juicy to pass up without comment. Let’s start with the lack of apostrophes in we’re, come on whiner, if you want your gloomy world view to be taken seriously make your point using decent English.

The message that sign is conveying is, unbeknownst to you, that you are a cult. You see what that sign says is ‘were not a cult’, which is the same as saying ‘we used to not be a cult’. Which indicates quite clearly that you are in fact a cult now.

I’m not going to get into the layout of the text on the cardboard sign, but let’s just say that next time you should use a ruler to plan out where all the letters are going to go before you get your chunky marker out. After all you’re not homeless, I’d imagine that Mummy and Daddy, who probably drove you to this protest in the Range Rover, do have access to stationery supplies?

Still your mind’s on hair bleach and eye-liner though isn’t it, not typographical clarity.

They don’t think this is what they do but it is.

Enough said.

If Crayola did a set of crayons for the ridiculous miserabalist in your life this is what they’d look like.

Oh, you know it’s true.