They don’t think this is what they do but it is.

Enough said.

I captured this shot on Friday afternoon whilst taking a stroll around sunny, and more importantly I feel dry, Nottingham.

Two little Emos, gender not clear, sitting in the middle of the ice cold pavement with an umbrella up.

Now is it me or is that a really pointless thing to do? Why are they doing it, what is the purpose of sitting in the middle of a thoroughfare with an umbrella up on a cloud free afternoon?

I started to try and formulate a few reasons for the umbrella but didn’t do too well.

For starters the umbrella is see-through so would afford no protection if it was being used to hide them from some unspecified assailant. Other thoughts were that it was being used as a shield against the vicious tanning rays of the sun, but once again no, it’s transparent.

The only conclusion that I can reach is that they’re doing it to fuck with people’s minds.

Which, thinking about it, has worked.

What the fuck is going on in the world?

I mean seriously, what? Look at this photo and tell me what you see.

Legs like pipe cleaners, hair bleached to within an inch of its life and jeans that sit just below the, well, er, arse line.

A nice touch that this boy-thing added was the bit you can’t see, every three or four yards it would eject a stream of watery spit onto the pavement. Literally, it couldn’t move more than five paces without a fountain of its mouth juice hitting the deck. Nice.

Anyway back to my real moan, look at those jeans! My jeans sit somewhere north of my hips, not dangling gently round my thighs. How do those fucking things stay on?

We need a closer look.

Right, see that loose collection of blackish material at the top? That’s his underpants. You can tell they’re his underpants because you could see the crack of his arse as he walked.

See the bit below? That’s his jeans. Skinny girl jeans. Jeans that are made for skinny, no, not skinny, anorexic girls. He’s wearing jeans that were designed to be worn by a person that had no cock and lived on laxatives and warm water. I think that says a lot.

Anyway at what point did The Youth™ start wanting to dress like this? When did I become so out of it that I didn’t notice this seismic shift towards ill-fitting clothes and a desire to let people see your baggy gruts?

What happened to lads wanting to look like men? I doubt highly that 300 would have been quite as exciting if it concerned the story of men that dressed like this plum, flopping around, foppish fringes blowing in the breeze, whining on about how life was unfair and nobody understood them. Tossers.

Bring back National Service!

Actually while I’m at it on the ‘fashion’ thing, why does every girl in Britain under 21 wear the same combo of hair band, smock, footless tights and flat shoes? Ok, they all mix up the colours from a pallete of around nine retina-searing, eye-fuckingly-bright shades, but essentially they all wear the same clothes, right? Why?

If Crayola did a set of crayons for the ridiculous miserabalist in your life this is what they’d look like.

Oh, you know it’s true.

Witness the most pointless two minutes and forty six seconds on YouTube. How to have Scene hair.

If you didn’t manage to make it to the end you will have missed the stunning message from the site this was created for, it goes a little something like this.

Our small community you’re welcomed to join :]

Well done for using the contraction of you are but I’m going to have to strip you of the award for the all out weird phrasing of that sentence. I mean honestly, it doesn’t make sense does it?

It’s also interesting to note that the young lady in charge of the hairspray remains remarkably mute throughout the entire demonstration. She might as well just have mimed the whole thing.

While I’m at it, does the ironing board in the background have any signifigance?

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the one and only Emo Arse!

Hopefully I’ll get a few more posts on here soon but until then relish the awesome colour scheme.